No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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