Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
