It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
