You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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