my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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