we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
