in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
