whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
