omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
