i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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