Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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