I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
