At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
