I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
