Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
