Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Church boner. Awkwardddd
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
