dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
