I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
