so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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