he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
