Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
