This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
