I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
