i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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