winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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