i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
