So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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