I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
