So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
