Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
