I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize