I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
