I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
