Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
