he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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