You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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