he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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