I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
