ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
