If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
