so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I can't turn off my feet"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
