Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize