they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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