is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
