Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
