Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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