sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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