watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
All the doctor said was why
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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