she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
