I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
