He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
