it was like eating out sand paper
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
