yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
