Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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