you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
