A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
