I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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