Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
