We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
