regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
