I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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