the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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