Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
