turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
