none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
