Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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