I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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