Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
