Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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