I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
