That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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