Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize