remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
