Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
